No Bandage

I hate you so much right now.....

Blank expression on your face asking why and how....

So you wanna talk bout my feelings now!!!

In the midst of fucking shit up right now...

32 years of pain..
What a damn shame..
Can't get over it...guess I'm to blame
Guess that's part of my twisted mind game...

Seems like outta spite I'm governed my life according to a conviction
Of never wanting to be like you...a faulty depiction
Of a man...
DAMN!!!!!!

I hate you so much right now....

Blank expression on your face asking why and how....

I've endured situations in life.....
Memories that cut deeper than a knife..
Motherfuckers that don't know ish...
Say I've made it.....live your life as you wish....

Made it through what?
Trial and error....can't go to anyone for advice
On growing up to be a man...
Had to devise my own plan...
This shit puts on display my strength and weaknesses man...
DAMN!!!!

Missed out on love...
That's all the fuck I ever wanted
Crying angry fucking tears....
If u knew....this anger would become one of your worst fucking fears...

So fucking out of touch with reality...
How the fuck could you possibly
Think you did right by me....
That spliff
Between ur fucking lips
Must have you high as shit...
What is it dipped in embalming fluid?
When I needed a father you weren't it!!!!

So fucking foolish....
Look at the life you ruined!!!!

Blank expression on your face asking why and how....

I hate you so much right now....

Loaded and locked in
Anger amped way the fuck past 10
Be weary of the mood I'm in...
Recollectin'
Waitin'
Cars I'm counting
Tears mounting


Collaterally damaged....
If I THINK I can't keep a promise to my kids....with guilt I'm ravaged.....
This wound still cuts deep...can't just patch it up with a fucking bandage.....

Blank expression on your face asking why and how....

I hate you so much right now......
One Love

Nickels and Dimes

Nickels and dimes…
trying to find my way thru these days and times…
counting loose change
as I try to arrange
my mindframe
to think positive again…
these situations
that cause a lot of my frustrations…tears stream down my face and thru it all… I am feeling less and less
confident that I can navigate thru this mess…
I confess
sometimes I wanna put it to rest…
but damn that! I am gonna beat my chest…
grind hard and be prepared for success… oh no I ain't talking bout cashing checks… speaking on things money can't buy…peace of mind…
taking care of mine…
looking in their eyes…feeling a sense of pride…
that I provided these happy times
using my nickels and dimes
One Love

Deuces

Time to chuck u them deuces
Truth is
I can no longer do this
We always scream fuss and fight...this shit is so useless
To think we can work it out is hella foolish
Add it up...u act like you don't know what 2+2 is...
Talking bout what you leaving me 4...
See its time I even the score...
On the bullshit rhetoric
That niggas aint shit...
Hold up chick...
Its like ur mentally unstable
In conversations you aint able
To be civilized and not raise your voice...
This here...is ur choice
So like Mary...no more drama...
Imma
Chuck them 2's up
Cuz a brotha had enough..been fed up
So now u stuck.......
And I honestly don't give a fuck
One Love

Depress

Dark place...
Sad face....
Fucking head case....
If u submerged urself in my process of thought...
The many battles I fought...
Just for the simple things..
And end up with nothing....
As I child I wanted love...
Prayed to the dude up above..
All I got were bullshit promises...
Like baseball...a lot of swings and misses....
Gonna hear a lot of hisses...
Kinda gave up on this thing called religion
Maybe its an ill decision..
Oh well..
Already trapped in hell
My own personal purgatory
Please save the preaching that will quickly bore me.....
This is my fucking story
Used to cry out for help...those close to me would only ignore me!
Running on empty..
What the fuck yall want from me?
Gotta fragile psyche
Hold so much in...feel imma spaz out...
Say something crooked imma lash out...
Ready to explode...
So many highs and lows...
My mood in the next hour...man who knows...
Quick question....
Am I the only one fighting this wicked bitch called depression?
One Love

Stranger

Fucking demon....
My blood pumping..so full of steam
And...
You supposed to be Dad....
Shit I'm so fucking mad..
After all we been through
And this from you?
My baby sis...
What kind of animal would expose her to shit like this?
She already has a fragile psyche..
And now cuz of your demented action....her mindframe is...its because of me....
She is constantly blaming herself....
I'm hurting inside cuz I can't help...
Tears of frustration....
Why did you put our family thru this situation?
You know how much we forgave you for?
This is the way you even the score?
As a father you left me wanting more...
Absent father...
Why did we even bother?
Been a fucking alcoholic....
Ugh you make me sick..
So fucking sick!!!
Fucking derelict!!
Married that wicked witch of a step
mom...
In comes your alcoholism and so on...
You putrid bastard
The mix of you and fatherhood pure disaster
Took our chances
When it came to you and finances.....
When I get married..imma have one of my bros. walk me down the aisle...
Cuz hopefully I won't be seeing you for a long while
Baby sis...
Understand this....
No how...no way your fault..
Can't make it more evident
So sorry this was your excuse for a parent..
I promise to be there for you...
These words you can hold true..
When you need an ear to talk to....
I'm here...
I love you...
One Love

Heavy Load

Understand see....
I'm just a man see...
Though I try to be
Everything you need
Take my words in heed...
The will is strong..but the body is weak..
At times the outcome looks so bleak
If the outside world don't beat me in....
Then
I'm war battered and bruised
Took all my worth....I'm used...
Up....
Don't wanna give up....
Held these feelings in..
Far too long....
Don't think I'm strong
Enough....
Go head call my bluff...
Weak and weary
Fear we
On opposite ends
Of making amends
Push...pull...
Pull...push
So much friction....
Tension...
Not to mention
Steady stressing
I'm learning lifes' lesson
No need for second guessing
Life can be somewhat depressing
Deep dark and full of despair
Tight lipped...you may think I don't care
Its just how I keep from letting it take my emotions there...
That bad place...
Full of rage place..
Keeps an angry scowl on my face..
Emotions get locked in...there's no saving grace...
Things aren't always as bad as it seems...
I mean...
Outside looking in...
Inside looking out...
No doubt...
Its horrifying....you know what I'm talking bout...
This heavy load on your back...
Gotta think clearly before I react
Even over react
Got to get it together in life...seeing how the odds are stacked..
One Love

Get of that ish

She came at me sideways
Speaking that helium talking bout I don't know what's wrong with u men nowadays..
Saying all u niggas aint shit.
Only wanna hit...
Then its on to the next bitch...
Tryna get some female to pay
Ur way..
Thru life..
Let one of "yall" come at me like that Imma stab him with my knife....
What the fuck..
Sis pump ur brakes...
I've heard as much as I can take..
U talking all that real but u hella fake
U fall in love with a joke..
Or better yet was it his stroke..
From the outset
Dude came thru talking bout sex..
on some we need to get to know each other..but yet
You giving out coochie coupons
That be the bullshit you're on
That wack ass mantra all dudes are the same..
Do better..its so lame..
Check this
Some cats are reckless
But them the niggas YOU choose
They use and abuse
Common denominator be you
stop being a hater boo..
Its true..
U not taking ur time are u?.
A man can only do..what u allow him to..
That's just my point of view...
One Love