Manifesto

She left.........

Thought I had crumbled...and there was nothing left.....

Came to that fork in the road... Didn't know whether to go right or left.....

Felt like turning my back...on the very kids I loved to the ends of the earth...

I was a man that had given so much of myself.... I started to question my worth....

I allowed her unhappiness to define me....

Not realizing the discontent was a problem in she....

Financial struggle....

Dictated the flow...causing constant trouble....

Yet the kids were taken care of....

Shown the utmost example of love....

Daddy day care......

I dare ....

Toot my own horn......

But taking care of these kids made me....

Gave me.......

So much pride......

I was the Lion..... King of the jungle.....taking care of my pride....

Completed me....

See....

I taught myself to cook....

Like this poetry thing... I could pen my own cookbook.....

Filled with meals I prepared with love....
Blessed with talent from the Father above...

Did this because... If I couldn't provide all the duckets.....

Fuck it....

I might as well take care of home from the inside....

Wasn't appreciated.... So inside

It made me bitter.... I figure when your chick starts to lose respect...

In the man she is with.... What do you expect?

I was doing all I knew...

To keep us together... Shit I became the glue...

I was doing doctor visits....
Whatever it is...

To keep shit afloat.....

Oh well..... I wasn't enough....

I knew we had it rough....

But its done....

But now I'm finding out who I am.....

Damn.....

I'm a good man.....

Strong father.....man with morals.... Yes that's who the fuck I am!!!!!

I've laced these verses...

With not so subtle curse....

Yes I spit it with fire.......

To bash her...or degrade her...is not my desire...

Just that since she left...

I didn't think I had the strength..... Didn't think I had any fight left....

At my weakest I'm stronger than I thought....

All the inner demons I've fought...

I will them soon.....

Can't turn off being their father....

Knowing how it would bother

Me......

God forgive me....

Of the slightest thought of giving up....

All I can say now.... is Thank You....for the opportunity to man up.....

This is my Manifesto
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Pray for me.......Please

I cry incessantly
Inner turmoil just messing with me....
A shell of my former self....
My laugh muffled by my cries for help....
So called friends gone...family...there's nothing left...
No more friendships....
Kinships....
Separate from one... And things just end quick.....
Chest beating extra hard.......inhale.......
Tears streaming...............exhale............
I'm losing it......just like I lost my job....
I'm like why God?
I've lost my will my focus...
And everyone around me is starting to notice.....
Barely eat.....
I have no appetite....
Hardly any sleep at night.....
My sugar so outta whack....
In fact....
Been having those chest pains lately....
Hope its not my heart.....
Feel like I'm falling apart....
Being that no one comes around to see me....I keep them at bay....
Tell everyone I'm ok
Just so I don't have to hear them
say
That one day....
One day....
Someday......
I want to yell.....what about today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never wanted things to be this way.....
I was consistently
Weaving my way thru life's inconsistencies....
Knowing that my love..dedication and hard work would pay off eventually....
I'm left alone......my spirit.....on empty......
.Spiraling out of control....I wish the devil would come get me..
Never been one to indulge... In drugs and alcohol....
But damn it seems so tempting......
Wanna drink till numb.....
Pop pills...snort coke...whatever till I'm dumb
High...
Figure this will be the only way I can
Get by....
This disconnect in my pain....
Ease the pain....
Until then......why don't somebody pray for me?
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Switching Gears

Out of sight....
Out of mind.....
Out of time.....
Life spinning counterclockwise.....
Listening to words from the wise.....
A reality I soon despise...
Give it time......
Tick....tock......
Seconds ticking off that clock.
Driving down that highway.....
As if I'm switching gears..
Between...remorse....pain....bitterness....and my deepest fears....
Now I'm made to look like a fricking deadbeat.....
Crushes my soul like a brutal defeat...
Can't even hold my head high.....
Pain so grave....sometimes I wish I'd die.....
Kick those foolish thoughts to the side...
Swallow that ugly pride.........
Find myself coasting on memory lane....
Way before the pain......
Better ways...
Better days....
Loved you so deeply.....
Ain't gonna lie.......still do...deeply
Steady weeping.....
Wake up in tears while sleeping...
Can't comprehend it.....
This is how you want to end it?
Screw me and what I'm feeling...
They say time leads to healing
Of all wounds.......so I lift my eyes to the ceiling....
I pray....I pray....oh how I pray...........
Each and every day....
That He put my mind at ease....
That these
Crazy thoughts
How I've fought
So long...so hard...secrets I've kept for so long....
Grudges against those I felt did me wrong....
A lot won't overstand what I'm saying...
With matters of the heart...trust me I'm not playing...
I gotta cleanse my soul.....#imjustsaying

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