Suicide Romance

All the while I was loving you...

You were telling folks you were single and could do 

Exactly what you wanted to

All the time I was so into you..

You would tell others how much I annoyed you...

Always telling you how much I loved you..

And the thought of that just sickened you

Spent so much time trying to prove to you that I was not like that last nigga

I figure 

You knew that

In fact I felt that was what held us back

I wasn't him...you knew me....

You knew how he'd be...

You couldn't see me

Or even what WE COULD BE

Too busy looking in the rear view

Girl you know it's true

Your intentions were fraudulent like Mili vanili

Lol...but you ain't feeling me

My silly ass was content with just a piece of you...

Like a star struck fan....happy with just a glimpse of you..

Stupid is just how I feel...

Can't shake it off...like damn is this really real?

I'd question shit..

Never wanting to discuss it..

Shut me down...

Shut us down...

Spiraling down

Down 

Down 

And as dumb as I sound

I continued to stick around

Now I'm so numb...

Still so dumb 

Heart's broken

And I'm hoping

For yet another chance..

To experience this suicide romance...

Sobeit

A misconstrued notion
Filled by weakest of emotions
Find yourself played
Lost in many ways..
Breaking all your own rules
And the foolish things it made you do..
Cuz once the good morning texts...
Morning calls stop...Damn what's next
Passionless sex
Everything she does/he continues to do..
Bothers you...
Irks your nerves
Speaking using unkind words
Hostile verbs..
What was it to begin with?
Why did it have to end like this?
You laying in your bed.
Thoughts of them flowing thru your head
Wanna talk...but you bury your face in the pillow instead.
Don't believe in it...
Don't want it...
Admittedly.. there was a point and time.. I screamed it..
Dreamed it..
Would tell anyone who listened..
How I was lost in it....
Nose wide open..looking back I'm so disgusted..
This feeling... So useless
Fruitless
Truth is
This thing called love is....
Not for me..
I've failed miserably
Y'all can keep it...
Guess that means I'll forever be alone.....
Sobeit

Blaze

I speak the truth so much it hurts...

What's worse 

Is

Nobody believes in me...

Sure they connect a few lines...

Pat me on the back a few times...

But hell what do I expect?

I'm gonna write it and express it...but y'all can't see it through my eyes yet...

Enter my soul

Truth be told..

Catch me now...cuz when things unfold

I'm a hot blazing comet

Nonstop it

I got this 

Infinite gift...

Record it..

Recite it...

Erase it...rewrite it..

Man I'm so excited

History re-spit it..

In my mind picture how I'd live it..

Just as powerful as God's vision for Konscript 

Look at my seeds and tell them... Yeah we did it...

Gave me so much inspiration...love when my heart wasn't in it..

When my mind drifted

To abysmal depth...

Your expression of love did much more than just help..

You saved me...

That love y'all give continues to amaze me...

Doing it for y'all.. Us...

We...not just

Today...tomorrow...and many days from now....

Gonna show them how

The mended mind of a King will always reign...

And that's just the first part of the game...

My Muse

My muse...
No need to crush on a Wednesday
Because these feelings are a part of my everyday
I'd yell it...scream it...
Shout it out...
But y'all already know what I'm talking about...
Find myself listening to songs differently...
Past the metaphors and similes
Thinking hard about her and I...she...me..
We...
Exchange crazy looks.. burst out in laughter
After
Something so silly...
Kiss her lips..
Explore her every inch...my fingertips..
Trace her every curve...
I'm touching her mind...
Caressing her spine...
Loving each time...
And that time..
And yes also that time....
Better than the first time...
Electric..as I take it slow...rethinking that first line...
My muse...
So true...
I yearn for her words...
Her verbs...
When I venture to see her.. I'm still a big bundle of nerves..
My muse...
Which I hope to never lose...

Depression2

Used to always think that once I got this job...or I set a goal and achieved it I would gain some form of happiness. Or if I got the girl.... Or this happened or that happened... I would be happy.. that I would no longer feel this unending darkeness I've always seemed to be submerged in. I stay away from alcohol because I don't seem to know when to stop drinking. Don't really know who to talk to because either they have no idea what to say to me.... Or they just dont care. Learned today no matter what type of notoriety..fame..money...anything... Does not matter unless you feel it...Or can see it for themselves. I just can't see it

Depression

I would say I'm depressed..and people would just tell me to "pray about it". I would say how I feel and people would say I was either weak... Or in my feelings. Maybe I am weak...but suicide and depression.... Depression and suicide.. Have crossed my mind frequently. Depression has crippled me in so many ways. Made me a recluse... Anxiety.. Fears..feeling of not being worth it. Fear of failure... Just not knowing how to cope. It's a fight everyday to stay positive.... Keep myself from falling into darkness.. It's not about Robin Williams... It's about depression and how it's breaking me down. Judge me... Call me whatever name you want....but this shit is so real... You never know what may trigger it.. People say there's so much to be grateful for... That I shouldn't think like this cuz I have kids.. I just need help. 

Ode to Dr Maya Angelou

Think I discovered you in the third grade...
Captivated my mental as I read your powerful words on the page...
Until then I couldn't remember being in such awe...
Weaving through similes and metaphors.
Really could not grasp the enormity of what I just read.. but I wanted more
You painted such magnificent portraits with your words...
Made my imagination soar...
When I discovered you... I discovered Poetry..
I discovered an outlet to quiet the rumbling going on in my head... I found a way to get people to notice me...
That's just my story...
I recollect to a day and time...
When my beautiful black sisters were full of pride...
Headstrong and empowered reciting Still I Rise...
Women would regale themselves in the confidence of Phenomenal Woman....
The list would go on and on....
Then in 93 I heard your voice....
At President Clinton's inauguration...
Reciting On the Pulse of the Morning in front of the nation...many nations
So others could see your dedication
To inspiring minds..
It's of no suprise..
The many people you have inspired
To put pen to pad...
Write stories whether happy or sad...
You've touched many lives..
Especially mine.
That day I discovered you... I discovered POETRY
I thank you for so eloquently
putting your words on display
Touching hearts...minds..having people marvel at your genius..not just today
But everyday.
Rest in Heaven you Phenomenonal Woman

Previous Cats

Ampersand

I wanna be flowers and
Sweet chocolate and
Fine dinner with wine and
Melodic melodies meant to ease and
Symphonies..and
Trips to Tiffany's and
Wanna fulfill all your fantasies and
be the man you need and
Make you believe and
Restore faith in love and
Have you treat it as a gift from above and
Judge me for my heart and
Be true and open from the start and...
Don't look at my pockets
Trust I got it locked and
Imma put in the work and
Best believe. I know this womans' worth and
Don't need materialistic empty wishing and
The love she been missing and
If she keep kissing ....and
Imma start touching and...
Imma let you fill in the blanks and..
For her love imma give thanks and...
She's my blessing..
No second guessing

Anti Chi-Raq

Can't stand how they make these excuses...
It's pointless...useless
Like a peach tree that bears no fruit... Fruitless
The truth is
Somewhere along the line
This gunslinger mentality came along and we thought it was fine
Maybe even some thought it was cool
Perhaps I'm the fool
That can't connect the line between poverty and the rampant rise
Of Chicago homicide..
Blame it on the system they say...
A shame people only see it that way
Instead of stating obvious truths
We seem comfortable overlooking the climate of today's youth
Seems we are the gun toting
Self loathing
Shells of our former selves
Seemingly no one can help...
Stupid...idiotic...foolish.. to refer to your city as Chi-raq
What good can come from that?
That we embrace such crap?
No snitching huh?
Guess I'll just be wishing
We as human beings would just stand up
Collectively man up
And stop this violence
Stand tall in unity..not just sit in shocked silence
And then the page.
Where is the outrage?
No seriously...where is the outrage?

Ring the alarm!!!!

Ring the alarm!!!!
Ring the alarm!!!!
Oh the racism...
We should riot cuz he does not want black folks at his game.
What a shame!!!!
Chest puffed out...
Spewing more hate out their mouth..
Far removed from what I'm talking bout..
Yet mouths closed
I suppose
People can't handle the truth..
Like I said before..the only time there's unity
Is when an outsider disrespects our community
But between you and me
We degrade each other on the daily..
Give each other no respect
Yet expect
Others to show up some decency?
Gotta be kidding me....
Filled with misplaced Black pride
Yet we ignore the rising rate of Black on Black homicide..
Where's the outrage?
No seriously... Where's the outrage?

Sam went in

http://soundcloud.com/iamyungsam_1/the-end-remix-sammie-j

Sky High

Back on this lyrical shit...
My lyrical shit...
Opened up... Time for some real shit..
I did this...
I rigged this...
Wonder if people are listening...
Oh well don't need the recognition
This ain't a contest 
But I damn sure will give my best..
I confess
I get such a rush when I'm writing 
Not fighting 
With the thoughts in my head
Instead 
Putting pen to paper
Taking off  on my next caper..
So much safer 
That way...
No telling what I'd say...
If this poetry 
Wasn't flowing thru me..
Probably be emotionally constipated
I'd hate it 
Definitely saved me from darker days...
Allows me to put those hellish thoughts on display
With no rush to judgement
Lmao... In a zone...
In a world all my own...
Catch me in the sky
#soloshit I'm flying SO HIGH!!!!!

Krewsader

Seems if I ain't talking slick ish...
Yall attention I can't get..
Guess
I have to stimulate yall with some kinky sexual conquest..
I must confess
That just bores me..
So much more to me...
I wanna inspire like James Baldwin...
Want to inspire with this gift I was given..
Already touched one
My son
Has over 60 joints on his Soundcloud
Young fella made his old man proud..
So many things I have yet to say..
Just put me on display..
Let me have my way..
Mic check... Mic check..
Give you a healthy dose of my intellect
Intelligence should be contagious
Catch it in various stages..
Transcribe in to books..
Get you hooked..
That's all it takes... To reach one
That will teach another one..
That's a cycle I don't mind..
The one that inspires the mind..

Not again

A race to oblivion...
Turn on the news...and it's like damn not again...
Such chagrin...
Sadness
Madness
Stand up to violence
And get gunned down in stunning silence
R.I.P. Ms. Leonore Draper
Appreciate your fight to make the streets safer
Damn I mean
A young lady at the age of 14...
Snuffed out by another young lady at the age of 14..
So obscene
25 year old grown man handed her the piece so she could pull it...
And unload the bullet
The ended young Endia's life
This ain't right..
This can't be life
We so numb to this ish
Idiots proudly calling Chicago Chi-raq and ish
Funny no Jesse and his wack ass coalition
Pushing their opportunistic mission
No Sharpton
Talking bout marching..
This is so disheartening
Just so senseless
Seems we are so relentless
On proving the stereotypes right...
And there seems to be no end in sight...
This past weekend 4 dead 31 shot
Easter weekend 9 dead 45 shot...
Go head check the facts..
But damn where's the outrage at?
Are we more concerned about a millionaire bigot spewing racial ish...
Or homie being fired from Scandal and his divorce ish...
This must stop...
This must stop...

Found

Truth be told....
For the past few months... My life has been spiraling outta control
Fights with this person...pointless arguments
Second guessing myself...
Is it me... Could I be the problem?
Tired of pointing fingers at them...
Not really a woe is me type cat....
But I figured that
It's something in my character..something I'm doing wrong...
Cuz I swear these thoughts and feelings don't belong
In my head...
Not much more to be said..
Blah blah...scribble scribble iPad going dead...
Sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest...
Put my mind to rest...
At a happy place..
Have a friend...makes me feel good to put a smile on her face..
It fills a void...seriously thought no one could replace...
Smiling hard...
Lol...yeah me....
Not gonna attribute it all to she....
But it seems like I'm finding....... Me

Into the light

Though..they weren't his kids

In their life... He was so active

A quality that she found so attractive

She often said... It's hard to find a man willing to accept me and my kids

The way he did

Paraded him around her friends and family..

Proudly

He was the best thing ever in her life

One day she knew she would be his wife

She'd pray for such a man...

As if it were God's plan

She was happy...

Finally

Things aren't always what they appear to be...

After long days at work... If he didn't have his supper

Ready... He would rough her

Up...

Put his hands on her

Put extreme demands on her..

She couldn't see the red flags

Because she was lost in love.. Mad excuses for the times he'd get mad...

He had a bad day

She'd say...

He didn't mean to call me a bitch in front of the kids...

Blamed it on herself...thought it was something she did

Put on extra makeup to cover the black eyes....

To the outside world she put on a disguise...

Time after time he'd apologize 

Filling her head with all those lies

Telling her she needs to realize

No man will love her like he....

No other bond could be....

Have the intensity.....

After all he did for her...she had the audacity 

To want to leave him...

She didn't know which was worse...

His fists....or how he'd burst

With curse after curse...

Calling her fat... Telling her she wouldn't amount to shit...

How he made it possible for her to have it 

As good as she did...

Crippled by fear....

Thinking to herself...how did it get here?

Somehow she was always able shield her babies from his verbal and physical onslaught

That no matter how hard they fought

The kids never saw the fights..

Then it all came to a head one night...

When the youngest child asked...Mommy why do you let him hit you like that?

That question hit harder than any blow he could have dealt....

Matter of fact this is the lowest she had ever felt..

Ever in her life...

Blinded by the dream of being a wife...

Almost made the ultimate sacrifice

Couldn't let her kids think this was right....

She had to find her way from the darkness to light...

Looked to God for guidance

Prayed for the chance 

To escape....spare her kids...herself....

Asking...praying for help....

That's that....

She decides to leave in the middle of the night.... No looking back..

In fact

They leave behind so much...

But no matter how rough

Things would be...she no longer could allow this to be her reality...

The light brings clarity.....

Abuse comes in many forms. It's not only physical. It's also mental. Leaves scars that may never heal.  Stop abusing our women....what if it were your sister...mother?