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Tears and pain...
Seems its all the same...
I'm not writing sweet instances of something beautiful.....
I'm writing deep twisted truths...
So sick of folks reading these lines..
And time after time
They just like it
Just look at the imagery...
And not my hearts symmetry
What's happening right now in my life is fucking killing me...
I'm trying to maintain....
Looking to God and his guidance to ease the pain
Walking from the train...
The sky opens up and it starts to rain.....
Tears just flow......all I can do to keep sane....
Soaking wet from my head to my socks...
Pain is transforming....I'm past the shock....
Scared I'll return to my ill tempered mannerisms....
Having these headaches with horrible visions...
But damn I can only put so much on myself
Wasn't alone in this....I had help..
But here I am sitting on the outskirts of reality...
Fleeting so quickly is my sanity...
Not claiming innocence by any means...
But everything is not as it seems.....
So one sided in this....
Got my dudes telling me....forget that chick....
Females telling me....that's a bogus chick....
I fell in love with this lady...
Maybe
It wasn't meant to be....
A future with her wasn't for me to see...
Maybe the tug of war
On her heart was more
Than she was willing....
To deal....
How can I convey what I feel?
I was on the railroad tracks....
And right before the train came I stepped back
On the platform....
I jumped out of a moving car at rush hour...
Somebody told me I shouldn't relinquish my power...
Cause if she sees your weakness..best believe she will devour
You whole...
Every ounce of your soul...
Shit I'm stuck between being a tough ass...
And inside wishing my relationship was able to last..
I'm just hoping.......
So damn open....
Conscript1

Fear/Pain

Put it all on my shoulders....deemed it my fault
Man in the mirror
Full on facing my fear or
It takes 2 to tango
2 to dismantle
What we had
Shit its sad
Its no mystery
6 years of history
Spun down the drain
Causing so much pain
Look at our life now....
Can't even imagine how
It got this way...
Its fucked up...
My life is being held up...like a robbery....stuck up.....
Love flow....straight constipated
To a point in which I hate it...
Ill advised actions
Led to your reactions....
I admit
I was so far outta pocket....
I swear I didn't mean it.....
Fed up with me..
Eyes closed...so you don't see...
Its still me...
In my heart your always my baby....
My wonder woman....
I wonder woman....
Is this the end?
Is there anything left to mend?
All the coulda
Woulda
Shoulda
Impulses.....
Headaches....fast pulses.
Everyone saying you should just give her time..
I see it as out of sight out of mind....
But damn....if I push...she'll just pull away...
That's what the songs say....
My heart is aching...
Hope our love ain't breaking...
I can't make you love me...
Won't force you to .forgive me
Tryna play it cool and just let it be.....
A future without you.....I'm too scared to see...
Conscript1

Another Chance

There'd be the quick little footsteps...
Jumping in the bed....
Feet in my face instead....
My mini me shaking his dreads....
Upon eye contact the other most beautiful lil girl in the world...says good morning daddy....
Gladly I'd make my famous pancakes...
A box of Jiffy is all it takes
To have them jumping to the ceiling..
Man what a wonderful feeling....
I'm looking at the most gorgeous woman in the world...
In my head I'm thinking...Damn that's my girl....
Secretly I've always loved her voice...
Smooth and sweet...tickles me in a place so sweet...
Got a spark every time our lips would meet...
There's something so special...so different this family's vibe....
At any time....
Someone would say something that would evoke laughter...
Fast forward to now...I've caused my world to shatter...
I used to see them everyday...
In every way
What I wouldn't give just to hear them say...
Hi Daddy...
Or hear Nene ask Daddy how was your day?
Tre asking the same question over and over again...
And when I'd say no....he'd ask again....
Making those baked lemon pepper bbq wings...
Dinner for the family...those little things..
I used to take for granted....
Dammit!
This can't be right...
Not my life...
I did this to myself...
I'm praying to the Lord for help.....
I used to pride myself.....
In being a family man...
Had the family.... But I wasn't the best man...
That I know I can....
Be...
That's it honestly...
I am asking God for a second chance...
I'd do anything for my family.....
I just want them back....
That's a fact!
Conscript1