Never Again

Cash rules everything around me
CREAM..
Tell me it's not what it seems...
My little coins and duckets..
Make you say fuck it.
I'm gonna stay around him..
While everyone else clowns him.
Leave him empty pockets... Broke..
They ridicule him... He a damn joke..
Dismiss this as a nigga just in his feelings...
Fuck him and his dealings...
He can't blame you...it's his fault...
What the fuck he thought..
What you show a woman some respect...
Guess he'd expect
The same in return..
The pain... How this shit burns..
Dumb ass when will you learn....
It ain't bout how you treat them...
Or the few times you may need them...
See now with clarity..
The fucking reality...
These fucks have amnesia..
In one... Out one...they forget...never satisfied..
Man how hard I tried
Can't see when I put action to my words...
Judge me by my verbs
And how i put you before...my seeds..
My needs...
My everything....
Trying to make sure you're good....
Never again....
Never again...
Never again..
Remember when....
Man fuck it.... Never again.....

Distortion

Been using abusing alcohol...to disguise how I feel...
The distorted views.... Can't always tell what's real...
Shot after shot.....so numb
Can't control the outcome....
No chaser... I know what I'm running from...
The darkness
That sparks this
Is so overwhelming...
Feel like I'm in hell see...
This pitiful existence that's my life...
I sat by..helpless...as my wife
Died in front of me...last thing to go was her mind
At times
I find
Myself with this crippling fear
Her spirit is still here...
Annoyed at the mistakes I'm making..
Chances not worth taking...
She can see that I'm faking
Like I'm ok...
The smile that sometimes people see..
Is hollow...it's empty...
It's not me....
Extremely scared...
I surround myself with people I doubt even care...
To notice...
That I've lost my focus...
That I would never think
Maybe I need a drink....
To now.... Bottoms up...
Cup after cup...
Is never enough
To quiet the pain..the inferno inside...
To soothe the 198 or so nights I've cried...
Make sure I'm here so I don't just check out...
Spinning out of control......internally...
There is no concern for me...
All some see...
Are the kids....
Folks say stop talking stupid...
Be strong
Don't get me wrong..
I love them with all my being...
But sometimes I have to hide to keep them from seeing
Me breakdown...
And I know how selfish this may sound...
Sometimes I can't escape my thought
No matter how hard I've fought and fought
The bottle is giving me that liquid courage to keep going......
Like now...this gin is about to put me at ease....
Knock me out...so I can fall asleep...
So I can start all over....fake it
Till I make it....
MAN FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER!!!!!!

Be

I was brought up in a era when
Fathers absent... Mothers play the heroine..
Seems we addicted to the  culture...like we smoking heroin
Where in
Some men
Are told to be strong...keep it in...
If he crumbles under pressure... Folks ridicule him...
Full of anger....no one is listening
Point yall missing...
Feed me that you're such a strong man...
Failing to understand
If I'm asking for help
That strength is a figment of your imagination
And doing nothing to help this situation
Whirlwind of emotions
Even with this piece I'm posting
The rage just trickles
Wish it was simple
I could just clear my mind
But I can't seem to find
Peace
At least
Not now
Can't even see how
But see, I was raised in an era when
Men
Were told to keep it bottled in....
Swallow their pride
Keep it all inside
Not me....
Don't care how others view me...
Just not the way I'm gonna be.

#WORKFLOW

Boss lady got those sexy lips....
Yeah I know all bout workplace politics...
But when she licks those juicy lips...
Damn she got me mesmorized
Got me thinking bout placing kisses on her thighs...
Keep kissing till I make her legs divide...
Getting to her special place and push my tongue inside...
Keep them heels on....
Three Letter Word by Jamie Foxx.....all the time
She on my mind...
Everywhere I go
I need to let her know...
S.E.X.
Imagine her saying yes....
I confess..
My dick....her mouth....
Taking me in and out...
She getting real nasty with it...
She trying to suck it...
Till I bust then swallow it....
I'm busting she still sucking.... Ooh shit....
Hand full of hair...
The way she moaning...she glad I took it there..
Telling me her pussy dripping with anticipation
Saying I should put her in as many positions it takes to handle this situation
She can't wait to get this dick inside...
She a trooper....she down to ride.....
Pull her closer
Bend her over...
Stroke her stroke her...
Hand on her next....slight squeeze...choke her choke her...
Grab her arms.....so I can dig deep....
Hand full of hair...kissing on her neck...she screams....
Digging in...
Lip biting.....
Exciting
Climaxing
Pussy throbbing....
Did my job and...
I'm gonna leave her wanting more.... 
Can't wait till she even the score

Level

Klawdhavmercy!!!!!
Just looking at her body would make the average fool thirsty....
She's been thru it all...
Heard it all...
Dealt with all...
Spoon fed
All the intricacies of what you'd do to her in bed....
Instead she wants to know how that brain works in your head...
Can you penetrate her mentally?
She considers herself a treasure....A Queen...can you entice without the hint of physicality...
In actuality...
Can your presence leave her mesmerized..
To the point where she is clenching her thighs..sits back and just sighs...
Saying you want to know her from the inside..
Out...
Yeah that's what I'm talking bout....
Everytime she smells Kenneth Cole Black....
She doesn't know how to act...
You know those simple things....
How to work thru her little mood swings...
And you know the happiness the simplest of actions bring....
And the warmest embrace just makes her heart sing...
The little thing we are doing is way more than sexual...
It's beyond special...
Gotta admit...just like you it's so beautiful...
Remarkable...
Wonderful...
So glad we connected on this level...

Glimmer Man

Hot damn....
Some of yall so focused on Zimmerman
Beams on high..... Catch the glimmer man...
The truth is in the light...
Pisses me off when we choose to fight
Pathetic plight...
Responses so typical
White on Black crime... So hypocritical
How many times I've seen he should burn in hell for what he did to Trayvon Martin
Then we start marching..
Demanding justice...
Kinda foolish....
We rocked hoodies...took pics of skittles and Arizonas
But to the thousands of other Black on Black crimes we don't care 1 iota
Half of yall on that no snitching
But end up bitching
About the downward spiral of our generation
And do absolutely nothing to help the situation
I'm so tired of my people walking round looking like sheep
Yeah this shit is deep....
I mean
Damn.... The way folks reacted to this bull with Paula Deen....
You're favorite rapper says way worse...he can say he don't like dark skin chicks...
And those chocolate bunnies still be on his dick
Go figure
trip over the word nigga
Like we own the word...
That shit is for the birds
We always complaining bout how society has their foot on our neck
Well.. what do you expect?
Look how we treat each other
We make it cool to be shitted on by other races
Lets face it
The "isms" they do exist...
But shit.....
Does it have to within our own culture?
Hatred and criticism swirling around like vultures..
Light skin vs dark skin
BBW... Thick vs Thin
What shagrin!
Lets not begin
With the competition 
amongst women
Supposedly for the attention
Of undeserving men...
Truthfully....they don't care...
The bickering gets you nowhere...
Picking these chumps
1....2...3....pumps
9 months later...mama's baby
Papa maybe
Couldn't you tell by the way he
Only came around to beat it up...when the baby came around he would be Swayze?
Some dudes only way lay up and be lazy...
Really amazes me....
Nothing in this life really phases me
Dealing with my own realities
Insecurities..
Living life how it's supposed to be....
Far from perfect...but I'm gonna continually be me....
Let the heat fester and let it simmer man....
I see the light...shines bright... I can see the glimmer man

Just Be

I just wanna be.....
Well.... I've lost a part of me...
No way I can ever be.....complete
Always be asking why
Forever telling lies
Not many can understand where I'm coming from
So numb....
So fucking numb....
I fake happiness... Fraudulently crack jokes
In hopes
People won't ask me how I'm doing
Lie about goals I'm pursuing
Lie about places I'm going
No ones knowing
I'm really at home
And
Just laying in bed
Instead
Of trying to live life
I'm crying for the lady in her last 36 hours.. I made her my wife...
Don't care for judgements
No need to explain what was or wasn't
Can't handle the sharp eyes.... Their looks so accusing
Shit is so confusing
I spent so much energy refusing
To allow my self to love her...when she was the only one to truly love me
Hopefully she's in the heavens above me....
Riddled with guilt.....stricken with grief
I sit here in disbelief
That everything fell in order according to your plan....
Like damn...
The house...the kids..most importantly you gave me stability....
The ability
To raise our kids
In the same environment... In which you did
For that I'm forever indebted
Won't ever forget it......
Won't ever forget it...

Lifted

Feel like a spirit has been lifted
Shifted
Off course...reverse
I cursed
Obtuse angle
Triangle
Words caught in my throat...they strangle
Me...my truth you couldn't handle
Leaving marks on my psyche like I've been vandal........ized
Thoughts paralyzed
Like a pair of lies
Like these words I'm spitting
They werent hitting
Cuz the point yall missing
Not getting
Anywhere
I dare
Speak on it
It's been 4 weeks on it
My outlook so bleak on it...
No longer the truth I seek on it....
Devil fighting hard..my lack of faith has allowed him to peak on this
Painted a horrible picture...allowed me to peek on it...
Very displeased with the supposed outcome
And then some
Such a peculiar conundrum
Be strong they say...I wonder.... Where  this strength will come from?

R.I.P. to Life as I knew it

I need a blunt.... Or some 1800
Get so zooted...these problems I'd run from it...
A miracle to why I haven't yet done it..
Possibly a part of me couldnt stomach...
Past few days been living in slow motion
Thinking bout my kids and hoping
If they are ok and how they are coping
Not really knowing
What the future holds
Or how to play the different roles
That I know must wear...
Doesnt matter whether or not its fair
Eyes red from crying
No lying
How selfish am I ....she's dying
Put myself in her shoes
Look at it from her point of view...
She can't be cool with this.. 
That's so obvious...
Some may question my motives..
But know this
This woman gave me two kids...
Was there when so called family turned their back on me....
Inexplicably
It was she...
So if you know me...
And know the man that I am...
You should understand
That I would do anything..in my power that can
Ease the burden on my seeds..
Yes indeed...
Do anything for my seeds...
They say God doesnt give you more than you can bear...
Regardless of whether you deem it fair..
.

Unfunny Valentine

She used to say, babe tell me you love me....
I would scoff why don't you just tell me you love me...
My selfish demeanor didn't see
Exactly
What she was trying to say to me...
The late nights
To the constant fights
Thinking no matter how wrong I was.. in my arguments I was always right..
Sometimes I spoke to with words so icy..
Never touched her but my words so loaded
Didn't take a genius to decode it...
That I was so unhappy
Perhaps see...
It was from the constant lies...
Not answering hey constant what's and whys
Me peaking her insecurities
Headstrong on the fact I knew she'd never leave me...
She needed me...
I was/am the perfect daddy
And she wouldnt wreck it....sadly
She asked for a divorce.
Of course
I blamed it on she... It is all her fault
That was my school of thought...
So for awhile now..
I've hidden exactly how
I feel...
Stuck in something so loveless
For me to even suggest
I'm happy in this relationship
Would be nothing short of ridiculous bullshit..
Stumbling steadily till I get on my own too
I attest if you
Don't want to end up in my predicament
Take the time to indulge your girl in some heartfelt sentiments..
Meant to bring you two closer...
My unfunny Valentine
This story is all mine....

Shower Scene

Shower Scene

Sexy
Steamy
You and me...
Water dripping down your back..
Touching....kissing.... Hands on your hips
You quietly moan...more kisses..
Heavy breathing...
Heart beating...
Fingertips
Lips....
Carressing clit..
Up against the wall....
Wanting it all....
Turn and face me.....
Taste me....
Tongue tricks....
Oooh.....shit....
Loving the tongue flicks....
Yeah that's it....
Water must be am aphrodisiac...
Putting that arch in your back...
Talking bout you want it.... Need it....
Wanting me to eat it....
Then beat it....
I know you want it on repeat...
Shower Scene.....
Bedroom.. I mean
Everywhere in between....

Kiss Me

Kiss Me

See I got this fetish...
Can't let it..
Get...
Out of control
If I do...its gonna take hold...
I wanna have a taste...
Let them juices flow from your secret place
Use my tongue to trace
Every inch of your passion
From the bottom up...
Watch it spill over and erupt....
See I've got this fetish....
It envelopes my soul 
Truth be told....
You're the best I've never had...
And I want you that damn bad...
Patiently waiting intensifies this foreplay.
I'll say...
I want you from the inside out....
Outside in....
Only then
The connection
Will be deeper than mere penetration...
More than sweat dripping...
I will be sipping
From your overflowing fountain...
See I've got this fetish
I want not just a piece..but the whole
Package....mind body and soul...

Deadbeat

Deadbeat

I curse your mother's hole
Spit on your daddy's soul
Blackheart... Turned so cold
No playing games homie...you're too old
Truth be told
You prolly was that snot nosed kid sadly
Waiting for your daddy
He never showed up..and it hurt you down deep....badly
So you became that pathetic excuse of a man
So what the baby wasn't part of your plan
That don't mean you can't stand up and,be a man
I mean damn
She found a new love interest
For your lame ass to suggest
The new guy invest
In your seeds future...makes no sense
You can't even gift your seed your presence
Oh let's not talk bout missed birthdays and Christmas with no presents....
I should not be of any concern...
When will these bum niggas learn
That karma is a bogus bitch
In which
Will make your life a living hell...
Yeah now It's oh well...
Only time will tell....
Fucking deadbeat...
Lmao....coochie coo ass nigga..
How the hell you figure
You a real man?
Fucking deadbeat

Pray

Speechless
The unpredictability of life....renders me speechless
Cuz I can't believe this...
Don't believe it....so I'm not even gonna speak this
Tears welling up in my eyes...not a sign of weakness...
Won't allow myself to wallow in bleakness
But I will relish in the happenstance
The 4...5....6 chance after chance
Our friendship blossoming
Into bigger and better things...
When mentally I wasn't there
You appeared out of thin air...
All I could do to repay you.....was be the best father I didn't even know how to be...
For whatever you saw in me...
Made me believe
I could achieve
Whatever and however our kids would perceive me...
Thank you for all that you have done...and continue to do....
What could separate our bond?
Metastic cancer
Damn sure ain't the answer...
Wont lie and say I have no fears....
Or try to hold back tears..
But I am saying prayers.. I know God definitely hears....

Thirsty

Nothing wrong with being a little thirsty...
Using my words for a little conversing
Mind fucking you...putting you in the mood firstly...
Speaking on sexual overtones...thrusts and techniques...that'll have your flesh screaming mercy...
Subdued tempos
That move oh so...
Quickly...
No passion marks... Child's play with a hickie
Turn you inside out from a quickie...
Ain't nothing wrong with being a little thirsty...
Shit I want my thirst quenched...
Been thinking bout you ever since...
Last time you were laying in my bed...
And where our actions led...
The kitchen...the couch....the bed...
The way you touch me...tease me...
The specific way you please me...
Tongue kissing your body.... Till I release thee....
Ain't nothing wrong with being a little thirsty...
Put you in that favorite position till we both screaming mercy...
Let's take it slow...I'm in no hurry...