Been using abusing alcohol...to disguise how I feel...
The distorted views.... Can't always tell what's real...
Shot after shot.....so numb
Can't control the outcome....
No chaser... I know what I'm running from...
The darkness
That sparks this
Is so overwhelming...
Feel like I'm in hell see...
This pitiful existence that's my life...
I sat by..helpless...as my wife
Died in front of me...last thing to go was her mind
At times
I find
Myself with this crippling fear
Her spirit is still here...
Annoyed at the mistakes I'm making..
Chances not worth taking...
She can see that I'm faking
Like I'm ok...
The smile that sometimes people see..
Is hollow...it's empty...
It's not me....
Extremely scared...
I surround myself with people I doubt even care...
To notice...
That I've lost my focus...
That I would never think
Maybe I need a drink....
To now.... Bottoms up...
Cup after cup...
Is never enough
To quiet the pain..the inferno inside...
To soothe the 198 or so nights I've cried...
Make sure I'm here so I don't just check out...
Spinning out of control......internally...
There is no concern for me...
All some see...
Are the kids....
Folks say stop talking stupid...
Be strong
Don't get me wrong..
I love them with all my being...
But sometimes I have to hide to keep them from seeing
Me breakdown...
And I know how selfish this may sound...
Sometimes I can't escape my thought
No matter how hard I've fought and fought
The bottle is giving me that liquid courage to keep going......
Like now...this gin is about to put me at ease....
Knock me out...so I can fall asleep...
So I can start all over....fake it
Till I make it....
MAN FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER!!!!!!
