Lost Innocence

Friend of mine pulled me aside..
In my arms she cried...
She said growing up..sometimes I wish I died...
What do u mean?
She would paint a horrible scene...
1989
Simple times..the usual hustle and bustle..
Kinda struggling barely getting by..
Mama landed a good job..only problem its at night...
Her friend gonna watch me..his name uncle Ike...
Dude was real cool..
Like he had no rules..
But something happened..he started acting strange..
Swore I caught him staring at me when
I would change..
My clothes...
From then on I'd sleep with the door closed...
He would make me drinks..
Spiked with alcohol I think..
Made me drowsy...put me to sleep..
I wake up with my panties at my feet and his hand between my legs..
Started to scream..he covered my mouth instead..
In a voice that fills my soul with dread..
He whispered..u don't want ur momma losing her job do u?
Her job pays for the new clothes...the new shoes..
Plus u show me more attention then she do..
Staying up late..throwing back a few..
Let Uncle Ike take care of u...
Promise not to hurt u..
He then kissed me with his alcohol tainted dank breath..
Then felt this sharp pain from down below...
Couldn't scream..couldn't run..
No place to go..
Silent tears fall..somewhere between his heavy breathing and the tears...
To sleep I fall...
This would continue for months on end..
Again again..night after night..
Come and go as he might...
Felt like I did something wrong..
Like I told him come on..
We not struggling no more..
Momma doing big things
At work..she happy.
All the while I'm terrified at the darkness Ike brings...
He would tell me how he liked "making love" to me...
I was better than she..
That's what he said as he was destroying my innocence...
How he loved me..
Said. U may only be eleven..
But when I'm with u..I feel like I'm in heaven....
He must have lost track of time..
in comes Mama..
She looks...
Not my baby...
I'm sorry..
Ike was arrested...
Turns out this wasn't his first...
3 more girls came to make matters worse...
Got sentenced to 3-6 years on each count...
12 counts...at least 36 years in jail..
Up for parole next year though..
Big fucking fail...
My friend say 20 years in jail
Don't give me back my innocence..
Ever since...
I can't trust..can't love..I live a life clouded with misery and emotional strife...
He abused me for 823 days.....that's 19752 hours
I had to cower under this man...
No one understands
The nightmare of this man...
Will forever haunt me.....
She wanted me to tell her story..
Fought back tears of my own..
She lived next door...
this could happen to anyone..
Any of our kids can be subject to this..
I pray we can protect them..