Random

I’ve held on to a lot of empty souls... people who have shown me time and time again they could give a damn about my feelings. People who have always stuck to their guns and told me time after time they wouldn’t change and it’s take it or leave it. That was stupid on my part for thinking I could changer their ways.... make them see something different in me. I failed myself... let myself down for the admiration of a few. Neveragain!

Pain

My love for you...

More permanent than my tattoos..

Saw you in a different hue

I so believed in you

Us

We

Used to marvel at how connected we seemed

Felt like a beautiful dream

Thought of us as such a unique team

Wanted to strive for better

Be a better man

Do everything in my power that I can 

To make you proud of me

Shape how you see me

Envisioned a day that you would marry me

Saw it

Touched it

Wanted it

Somehow our signals got crossed

Between life and my inability to make you happy... you lost

Or I lost 

The Magic

Tragic

You said you wanted nothing from me

Shattered me whole

Fractured my soul

Ran out of words to say

I'd think of you everyday 

Same thing you'd say

Only to have my heart crushed all over again

What chagrin!

Head begins to spin

Cried for you

Set aside

My pride for you

Almost 6 months later... my heart still pines for you

My thoughts are all over the place

Wishing how I could be in your space

See your beautiful face

I love you so much 

Purge

I stopped vibing my lines

Cuz I didn’t want to write about you

My thoughts were filled with rhymes about you

Thinking how could you

Be so selfish...

Knowing I’d be so selfless

Knowing I’d be so helpless

Knowing I’d be so relentless

In my weak attempts to prove I was all about you

Yeah it’s true

I’d sacrifice pride for you 

But I wasn’t enough

It was too simple... not complex enough

Didn’t fight with you

Couldn’t even use feelings to connect with you

I was laid back and not so neat

You were stuff shirt... cuff and a crease 

Like you were corporate America

And I was the replica

Of shit you wanted to forget

But yet

You claimed you loved me

Always thought of me

Wanted to remain friends with me

Man I’m so stuck on this trip

Always thinking of how I could have fixed it...

All the while your vibe screams you don’t give a shit

I’ve avoided it for too long....

No more sad songs

Will use my rhymes to write all my wrongs

Get you outta my head...and outta my system 

Ode to my Queens

I loved you sight unseen I mean There was no other way it could be Even before I could see Your voice.. the sweetest melody This relationship birthed on sight So nurturing you provided the world with life There is nothing I can explain that could describe your true value The shine.... the hue No shade can challenge the view At some point it seems I have failed you Betrayed you Beat you Raped you Murdered you Devalued you Disregarded you My God... oppressed you Seemingly even hate you Blamed you for every ill of our community We even Try to imprison you With what we expect from you How you should be..what you can say The way In which we receive you Perceive you Forget that you've been on the front lines Even times When we were dead wrong You stood strong Had our back on multiple occasions Endless situations With tear stained faces You were there. Seems at times I let the ills of society Lie to me Blind me To the fact you have always been there To the fact that the revolution seemingly No I refrain... in REALITY Has always been kicked off by you From Harriet Tubman To Rosa who refused to stand To Sandra Bland See sister I don't wanna fight you I wanna unite with you Make things right with you Stand side by side with you Protect you Respect you

Farewell

You've been with me for a while now

Know what makes me tick

Makes me sick

My ambitions... my dreams

Seems 

I clung to you... you encompassed 

EVERYTHING 

Like I would check in with you before I made any move

Looked to you for proof

That I was able

You never let me down...

Always let me know how crazy I would sound 

For believing in ME!

Twisted kinships

Friendships 

Left me alone with thoughts of wanting to end shit

When I would speak to others about you... they'd say man up! Or pray it off

Then others think mental anguish are for the weak and soft

So I never spoke on it..

You had everyone thinking I was so angry

Mixed with the fact I'm kinda quiet and no one bothered to attempt to understand me

Or maybe that was you.. feeding me more false imagery

Well whatever the case 

I'd always feel out of place 

Sometimes you got the better of me and left me with tears streaming down my face

Talked to a professional and all he did was prescribe pills

That would mask how I really feel

The very highs and the bottom out lows

That would put me deeper in the throws

Of suicidal ideations... side effects that may be even more detrimental 

To my previous mental state

Honestly I've had more than anyone should have to take!!

Confronted my issues with you...

So done with you... no separation anxiety

Gotta get away from you in its entirety 

Gotta get my mind right

So I can get in my grind right

Mentally

Physically

But I tell you that beast depression is true..

Deadly persona that can and will grab you with the same cold clutches like any addict

But so much worse because other people rarely see the proof that it 

Truly does exist 

Ramblings

If the money ain't long enough...

The loving will never be strong enough

Don't like these facts... tough

Money may not buy happiness...but it definitely does something 

Keep her from wanting that 1 thing

Elsewhere

She'll say she don't care

But you'll soon find she will equate the amount of funds as respect for you...

Oops I digress, lack of respect for you

Everything becomes a problem

And though you try hard to solve them

Always bubbling on the surface

Cuz after all she can do bad by herself..

Bro.. you weren't irreplaceable.... so she pushes you to the left.....

Independently....

She don't need he...

To be...

Happy

Sexy

She's free...

Gets used to her own space

Mentally

Physically

Can even fuck herself... love faces

Can't truly comprehend when a man comes along and wants to hold her in a tender embrace 

Be that shoulder she doesn't even know she may need 

Coping mechanisms... is it her or is it him?

Where does it end... how did it begin?

Is it that these niggas truly ain't shit?

Is there more to it?

Are these brothers weak?

Claiming she just doesn't want to settle....

But yet brothers gotta settle for passive aggressive control freaks 

Who try to control every single aspect of the relationship so to speak?

Then some aren't even worth their keep...

Surface level not too deep

Just rambling

Eureka eureka!!

Running around like truth seekers

Bitter and betrayed we've become nonbelievers 

Bless me from the rhetoric

So pathetic 

This search for love and I never seem to get it

Dismiss it

Attitude eff it

On to better things

Whatever the future brings

People get their feelings hurt everyday B!!

So it's nothing to me

Well actually

It used to be...

But to be in my feelings over another's inability 

To see 

Maybe

He

Could in reality

Be 

Everything she may need

Instead she's governed by wants

And what she has always been

Admittedly at first there is a bit of chagrin

But then 

I let it go....

Thank her for happenstance

That moment and chance

To indulge in our beautiful romance

Tender embraces

Intense love faces

No bitterness... Bad vibes from me

Smile whenever I think of she

No longer entranced but what we....

Could have been... Just sit back and be free