Sky High

Back on this lyrical shit...
My lyrical shit...
Opened up... Time for some real shit..
I did this...
I rigged this...
Wonder if people are listening...
Oh well don't need the recognition
This ain't a contest 
But I damn sure will give my best..
I confess
I get such a rush when I'm writing 
Not fighting 
With the thoughts in my head
Instead 
Putting pen to paper
Taking off  on my next caper..
So much safer 
That way...
No telling what I'd say...
If this poetry 
Wasn't flowing thru me..
Probably be emotionally constipated
I'd hate it 
Definitely saved me from darker days...
Allows me to put those hellish thoughts on display
With no rush to judgement
Lmao... In a zone...
In a world all my own...
Catch me in the sky
#soloshit I'm flying SO HIGH!!!!!

Krewsader

Seems if I ain't talking slick ish...
Yall attention I can't get..
Guess
I have to stimulate yall with some kinky sexual conquest..
I must confess
That just bores me..
So much more to me...
I wanna inspire like James Baldwin...
Want to inspire with this gift I was given..
Already touched one
My son
Has over 60 joints on his Soundcloud
Young fella made his old man proud..
So many things I have yet to say..
Just put me on display..
Let me have my way..
Mic check... Mic check..
Give you a healthy dose of my intellect
Intelligence should be contagious
Catch it in various stages..
Transcribe in to books..
Get you hooked..
That's all it takes... To reach one
That will teach another one..
That's a cycle I don't mind..
The one that inspires the mind..

Not again

A race to oblivion...
Turn on the news...and it's like damn not again...
Such chagrin...
Sadness
Madness
Stand up to violence
And get gunned down in stunning silence
R.I.P. Ms. Leonore Draper
Appreciate your fight to make the streets safer
Damn I mean
A young lady at the age of 14...
Snuffed out by another young lady at the age of 14..
So obscene
25 year old grown man handed her the piece so she could pull it...
And unload the bullet
The ended young Endia's life
This ain't right..
This can't be life
We so numb to this ish
Idiots proudly calling Chicago Chi-raq and ish
Funny no Jesse and his wack ass coalition
Pushing their opportunistic mission
No Sharpton
Talking bout marching..
This is so disheartening
Just so senseless
Seems we are so relentless
On proving the stereotypes right...
And there seems to be no end in sight...
This past weekend 4 dead 31 shot
Easter weekend 9 dead 45 shot...
Go head check the facts..
But damn where's the outrage at?
Are we more concerned about a millionaire bigot spewing racial ish...
Or homie being fired from Scandal and his divorce ish...
This must stop...
This must stop...

Found

Truth be told....
For the past few months... My life has been spiraling outta control
Fights with this person...pointless arguments
Second guessing myself...
Is it me... Could I be the problem?
Tired of pointing fingers at them...
Not really a woe is me type cat....
But I figured that
It's something in my character..something I'm doing wrong...
Cuz I swear these thoughts and feelings don't belong
In my head...
Not much more to be said..
Blah blah...scribble scribble iPad going dead...
Sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest...
Put my mind to rest...
At a happy place..
Have a friend...makes me feel good to put a smile on her face..
It fills a void...seriously thought no one could replace...
Smiling hard...
Lol...yeah me....
Not gonna attribute it all to she....
But it seems like I'm finding....... Me

Into the light

Though..they weren't his kids

In their life... He was so active

A quality that she found so attractive

She often said... It's hard to find a man willing to accept me and my kids

The way he did

Paraded him around her friends and family..

Proudly

He was the best thing ever in her life

One day she knew she would be his wife

She'd pray for such a man...

As if it were God's plan

She was happy...

Finally

Things aren't always what they appear to be...

After long days at work... If he didn't have his supper

Ready... He would rough her

Up...

Put his hands on her

Put extreme demands on her..

She couldn't see the red flags

Because she was lost in love.. Mad excuses for the times he'd get mad...

He had a bad day

She'd say...

He didn't mean to call me a bitch in front of the kids...

Blamed it on herself...thought it was something she did

Put on extra makeup to cover the black eyes....

To the outside world she put on a disguise...

Time after time he'd apologize 

Filling her head with all those lies

Telling her she needs to realize

No man will love her like he....

No other bond could be....

Have the intensity.....

After all he did for her...she had the audacity 

To want to leave him...

She didn't know which was worse...

His fists....or how he'd burst

With curse after curse...

Calling her fat... Telling her she wouldn't amount to shit...

How he made it possible for her to have it 

As good as she did...

Crippled by fear....

Thinking to herself...how did it get here?

Somehow she was always able shield her babies from his verbal and physical onslaught

That no matter how hard they fought

The kids never saw the fights..

Then it all came to a head one night...

When the youngest child asked...Mommy why do you let him hit you like that?

That question hit harder than any blow he could have dealt....

Matter of fact this is the lowest she had ever felt..

Ever in her life...

Blinded by the dream of being a wife...

Almost made the ultimate sacrifice

Couldn't let her kids think this was right....

She had to find her way from the darkness to light...

Looked to God for guidance

Prayed for the chance 

To escape....spare her kids...herself....

Asking...praying for help....

That's that....

She decides to leave in the middle of the night.... No looking back..

In fact

They leave behind so much...

But no matter how rough

Things would be...she no longer could allow this to be her reality...

The light brings clarity.....

Abuse comes in many forms. It's not only physical. It's also mental. Leaves scars that may never heal.  Stop abusing our women....what if it were your sister...mother?

Never Again

Cash rules everything around me
CREAM..
Tell me it's not what it seems...
My little coins and duckets..
Make you say fuck it.
I'm gonna stay around him..
While everyone else clowns him.
Leave him empty pockets... Broke..
They ridicule him... He a damn joke..
Dismiss this as a nigga just in his feelings...
Fuck him and his dealings...
He can't blame you...it's his fault...
What the fuck he thought..
What you show a woman some respect...
Guess he'd expect
The same in return..
The pain... How this shit burns..
Dumb ass when will you learn....
It ain't bout how you treat them...
Or the few times you may need them...
See now with clarity..
The fucking reality...
These fucks have amnesia..
In one... Out one...they forget...never satisfied..
Man how hard I tried
Can't see when I put action to my words...
Judge me by my verbs
And how i put you before...my seeds..
My needs...
My everything....
Trying to make sure you're good....
Never again....
Never again...
Never again..
Remember when....
Man fuck it.... Never again.....

Distortion

Been using abusing alcohol...to disguise how I feel...
The distorted views.... Can't always tell what's real...
Shot after shot.....so numb
Can't control the outcome....
No chaser... I know what I'm running from...
The darkness
That sparks this
Is so overwhelming...
Feel like I'm in hell see...
This pitiful existence that's my life...
I sat by..helpless...as my wife
Died in front of me...last thing to go was her mind
At times
I find
Myself with this crippling fear
Her spirit is still here...
Annoyed at the mistakes I'm making..
Chances not worth taking...
She can see that I'm faking
Like I'm ok...
The smile that sometimes people see..
Is hollow...it's empty...
It's not me....
Extremely scared...
I surround myself with people I doubt even care...
To notice...
That I've lost my focus...
That I would never think
Maybe I need a drink....
To now.... Bottoms up...
Cup after cup...
Is never enough
To quiet the pain..the inferno inside...
To soothe the 198 or so nights I've cried...
Make sure I'm here so I don't just check out...
Spinning out of control......internally...
There is no concern for me...
All some see...
Are the kids....
Folks say stop talking stupid...
Be strong
Don't get me wrong..
I love them with all my being...
But sometimes I have to hide to keep them from seeing
Me breakdown...
And I know how selfish this may sound...
Sometimes I can't escape my thought
No matter how hard I've fought and fought
The bottle is giving me that liquid courage to keep going......
Like now...this gin is about to put me at ease....
Knock me out...so I can fall asleep...
So I can start all over....fake it
Till I make it....
MAN FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER!!!!!!