Found

Truth be told....
For the past few months... My life has been spiraling outta control
Fights with this person...pointless arguments
Second guessing myself...
Is it me... Could I be the problem?
Tired of pointing fingers at them...
Not really a woe is me type cat....
But I figured that
It's something in my character..something I'm doing wrong...
Cuz I swear these thoughts and feelings don't belong
In my head...
Not much more to be said..
Blah blah...scribble scribble iPad going dead...
Sometimes I just need to get shit off my chest...
Put my mind to rest...
At a happy place..
Have a friend...makes me feel good to put a smile on her face..
It fills a void...seriously thought no one could replace...
Smiling hard...
Lol...yeah me....
Not gonna attribute it all to she....
But it seems like I'm finding....... Me

Into the light

Though..they weren't his kids

In their life... He was so active

A quality that she found so attractive

She often said... It's hard to find a man willing to accept me and my kids

The way he did

Paraded him around her friends and family..

Proudly

He was the best thing ever in her life

One day she knew she would be his wife

She'd pray for such a man...

As if it were God's plan

She was happy...

Finally

Things aren't always what they appear to be...

After long days at work... If he didn't have his supper

Ready... He would rough her

Up...

Put his hands on her

Put extreme demands on her..

She couldn't see the red flags

Because she was lost in love.. Mad excuses for the times he'd get mad...

He had a bad day

She'd say...

He didn't mean to call me a bitch in front of the kids...

Blamed it on herself...thought it was something she did

Put on extra makeup to cover the black eyes....

To the outside world she put on a disguise...

Time after time he'd apologize 

Filling her head with all those lies

Telling her she needs to realize

No man will love her like he....

No other bond could be....

Have the intensity.....

After all he did for her...she had the audacity 

To want to leave him...

She didn't know which was worse...

His fists....or how he'd burst

With curse after curse...

Calling her fat... Telling her she wouldn't amount to shit...

How he made it possible for her to have it 

As good as she did...

Crippled by fear....

Thinking to herself...how did it get here?

Somehow she was always able shield her babies from his verbal and physical onslaught

That no matter how hard they fought

The kids never saw the fights..

Then it all came to a head one night...

When the youngest child asked...Mommy why do you let him hit you like that?

That question hit harder than any blow he could have dealt....

Matter of fact this is the lowest she had ever felt..

Ever in her life...

Blinded by the dream of being a wife...

Almost made the ultimate sacrifice

Couldn't let her kids think this was right....

She had to find her way from the darkness to light...

Looked to God for guidance

Prayed for the chance 

To escape....spare her kids...herself....

Asking...praying for help....

That's that....

She decides to leave in the middle of the night.... No looking back..

In fact

They leave behind so much...

But no matter how rough

Things would be...she no longer could allow this to be her reality...

The light brings clarity.....

Abuse comes in many forms. It's not only physical. It's also mental. Leaves scars that may never heal.  Stop abusing our women....what if it were your sister...mother?

Never Again

Cash rules everything around me
CREAM..
Tell me it's not what it seems...
My little coins and duckets..
Make you say fuck it.
I'm gonna stay around him..
While everyone else clowns him.
Leave him empty pockets... Broke..
They ridicule him... He a damn joke..
Dismiss this as a nigga just in his feelings...
Fuck him and his dealings...
He can't blame you...it's his fault...
What the fuck he thought..
What you show a woman some respect...
Guess he'd expect
The same in return..
The pain... How this shit burns..
Dumb ass when will you learn....
It ain't bout how you treat them...
Or the few times you may need them...
See now with clarity..
The fucking reality...
These fucks have amnesia..
In one... Out one...they forget...never satisfied..
Man how hard I tried
Can't see when I put action to my words...
Judge me by my verbs
And how i put you before...my seeds..
My needs...
My everything....
Trying to make sure you're good....
Never again....
Never again...
Never again..
Remember when....
Man fuck it.... Never again.....

Distortion

Been using abusing alcohol...to disguise how I feel...
The distorted views.... Can't always tell what's real...
Shot after shot.....so numb
Can't control the outcome....
No chaser... I know what I'm running from...
The darkness
That sparks this
Is so overwhelming...
Feel like I'm in hell see...
This pitiful existence that's my life...
I sat by..helpless...as my wife
Died in front of me...last thing to go was her mind
At times
I find
Myself with this crippling fear
Her spirit is still here...
Annoyed at the mistakes I'm making..
Chances not worth taking...
She can see that I'm faking
Like I'm ok...
The smile that sometimes people see..
Is hollow...it's empty...
It's not me....
Extremely scared...
I surround myself with people I doubt even care...
To notice...
That I've lost my focus...
That I would never think
Maybe I need a drink....
To now.... Bottoms up...
Cup after cup...
Is never enough
To quiet the pain..the inferno inside...
To soothe the 198 or so nights I've cried...
Make sure I'm here so I don't just check out...
Spinning out of control......internally...
There is no concern for me...
All some see...
Are the kids....
Folks say stop talking stupid...
Be strong
Don't get me wrong..
I love them with all my being...
But sometimes I have to hide to keep them from seeing
Me breakdown...
And I know how selfish this may sound...
Sometimes I can't escape my thought
No matter how hard I've fought and fought
The bottle is giving me that liquid courage to keep going......
Like now...this gin is about to put me at ease....
Knock me out...so I can fall asleep...
So I can start all over....fake it
Till I make it....
MAN FUCK YOU BREAST CANCER!!!!!!

Be

I was brought up in a era when
Fathers absent... Mothers play the heroine..
Seems we addicted to the  culture...like we smoking heroin
Where in
Some men
Are told to be strong...keep it in...
If he crumbles under pressure... Folks ridicule him...
Full of anger....no one is listening
Point yall missing...
Feed me that you're such a strong man...
Failing to understand
If I'm asking for help
That strength is a figment of your imagination
And doing nothing to help this situation
Whirlwind of emotions
Even with this piece I'm posting
The rage just trickles
Wish it was simple
I could just clear my mind
But I can't seem to find
Peace
At least
Not now
Can't even see how
But see, I was raised in an era when
Men
Were told to keep it bottled in....
Swallow their pride
Keep it all inside
Not me....
Don't care how others view me...
Just not the way I'm gonna be.

#WORKFLOW

Boss lady got those sexy lips....
Yeah I know all bout workplace politics...
But when she licks those juicy lips...
Damn she got me mesmorized
Got me thinking bout placing kisses on her thighs...
Keep kissing till I make her legs divide...
Getting to her special place and push my tongue inside...
Keep them heels on....
Three Letter Word by Jamie Foxx.....all the time
She on my mind...
Everywhere I go
I need to let her know...
S.E.X.
Imagine her saying yes....
I confess..
My dick....her mouth....
Taking me in and out...
She getting real nasty with it...
She trying to suck it...
Till I bust then swallow it....
I'm busting she still sucking.... Ooh shit....
Hand full of hair...
The way she moaning...she glad I took it there..
Telling me her pussy dripping with anticipation
Saying I should put her in as many positions it takes to handle this situation
She can't wait to get this dick inside...
She a trooper....she down to ride.....
Pull her closer
Bend her over...
Stroke her stroke her...
Hand on her next....slight squeeze...choke her choke her...
Grab her arms.....so I can dig deep....
Hand full of hair...kissing on her neck...she screams....
Digging in...
Lip biting.....
Exciting
Climaxing
Pussy throbbing....
Did my job and...
I'm gonna leave her wanting more.... 
Can't wait till she even the score

Level

Klawdhavmercy!!!!!
Just looking at her body would make the average fool thirsty....
She's been thru it all...
Heard it all...
Dealt with all...
Spoon fed
All the intricacies of what you'd do to her in bed....
Instead she wants to know how that brain works in your head...
Can you penetrate her mentally?
She considers herself a treasure....A Queen...can you entice without the hint of physicality...
In actuality...
Can your presence leave her mesmerized..
To the point where she is clenching her thighs..sits back and just sighs...
Saying you want to know her from the inside..
Out...
Yeah that's what I'm talking bout....
Everytime she smells Kenneth Cole Black....
She doesn't know how to act...
You know those simple things....
How to work thru her little mood swings...
And you know the happiness the simplest of actions bring....
And the warmest embrace just makes her heart sing...
The little thing we are doing is way more than sexual...
It's beyond special...
Gotta admit...just like you it's so beautiful...
Remarkable...
Wonderful...
So glad we connected on this level...