Epiphany

Other night... I had an epiphany 

To put it quite simply 

I just wanna be happy

Genuinely 

I mean seriously 

I’ve felt some kinda way

Often I’d say

I just don’t give a.....

But honestly....

Where does that get me?

Wishing ill will

Meanwhile that person doesn’t care how I feel...

That’s not right.... wouldn’t be keeping it real...

I want all those I have encountered so smile 

For miles and miles

Even thru the good... bad

In between times 

Folks deserve to be happy

As do I...

Get on the good foot

In the past I’d be in my feelings

Take out on others my inner most demons and dealings 

Lost friends and relationships 

Ended up in peculiar situations 

So many frustrations....

What a horrible waste of energy....

So

Other night....... I had an epiphany 

All those I’ve crossed paths with

I want each and every one of you...

Honestly 

Genuinely

Quite simply

To just be HAPPY 

Freestyle inspired by my friend Mel Berry

Let’s play a lil tete a tete

Head to head

Legs spread 

Wide

You shiver as I put my tongue inside

Moan as I glide

Over that clitoris

Finger licking so delicious 

It’s hella intense

Reminisce on positions to come

Endless explosions the many ways we will cum

Bountiful bliss

Electricity flowing with each succulent kiss

How we long for it

Moan for it

Fiend for it

From so delicate 

To you screaming... nigga gimme my dick

So intimate

Intrinsic

Climactic 

Pulsating 

Gyrating

Soul shakin’ 

Last time 

That’s definitely gonna be a mesmerizing 

As that first time... that hasn’t even happened yet

Styled Free

They still killing them

Still filling them

Holes 

Six feet deep

We still following like sheep

We sleep

It seems 

I mean 

We getting so lost in between

Being woke

Tryna provoke 

Others into feeling our pain

Disdain

But hell we doing the same

In Chi town

My town

Your town

It ain’t just them killing us

We only seem to see the unjust 

Pig killings

We spilling 

Out in the streets

Yelling in defeat

For justice 

But it’s just us

Blind to Philando

But quick to speak on Justine Diamond

I’m in 

Shock...

Let me come to my senses

Cuz when it’s senseless

Not to mention 

Repetitive 

They don’t have 2 fucks to give...

Random

I’ve held on to a lot of empty souls... people who have shown me time and time again they could give a damn about my feelings. People who have always stuck to their guns and told me time after time they wouldn’t change and it’s take it or leave it. That was stupid on my part for thinking I could changer their ways.... make them see something different in me. I failed myself... let myself down for the admiration of a few. Neveragain!

Pain

My love for you...

More permanent than my tattoos..

Saw you in a different hue

I so believed in you

Us

We

Used to marvel at how connected we seemed

Felt like a beautiful dream

Thought of us as such a unique team

Wanted to strive for better

Be a better man

Do everything in my power that I can 

To make you proud of me

Shape how you see me

Envisioned a day that you would marry me

Saw it

Touched it

Wanted it

Somehow our signals got crossed

Between life and my inability to make you happy... you lost

Or I lost 

The Magic

Tragic

You said you wanted nothing from me

Shattered me whole

Fractured my soul

Ran out of words to say

I'd think of you everyday 

Same thing you'd say

Only to have my heart crushed all over again

What chagrin!

Head begins to spin

Cried for you

Set aside

My pride for you

Almost 6 months later... my heart still pines for you

My thoughts are all over the place

Wishing how I could be in your space

See your beautiful face

I love you so much 

Purge

I stopped vibing my lines

Cuz I didn’t want to write about you

My thoughts were filled with rhymes about you

Thinking how could you

Be so selfish...

Knowing I’d be so selfless

Knowing I’d be so helpless

Knowing I’d be so relentless

In my weak attempts to prove I was all about you

Yeah it’s true

I’d sacrifice pride for you 

But I wasn’t enough

It was too simple... not complex enough

Didn’t fight with you

Couldn’t even use feelings to connect with you

I was laid back and not so neat

You were stuff shirt... cuff and a crease 

Like you were corporate America

And I was the replica

Of shit you wanted to forget

But yet

You claimed you loved me

Always thought of me

Wanted to remain friends with me

Man I’m so stuck on this trip

Always thinking of how I could have fixed it...

All the while your vibe screams you don’t give a shit

I’ve avoided it for too long....

No more sad songs

Will use my rhymes to write all my wrongs

Get you outta my head...and outta my system 

Ode to my Queens

I loved you sight unseen I mean There was no other way it could be Even before I could see Your voice.. the sweetest melody This relationship birthed on sight So nurturing you provided the world with life There is nothing I can explain that could describe your true value The shine.... the hue No shade can challenge the view At some point it seems I have failed you Betrayed you Beat you Raped you Murdered you Devalued you Disregarded you My God... oppressed you Seemingly even hate you Blamed you for every ill of our community We even Try to imprison you With what we expect from you How you should be..what you can say The way In which we receive you Perceive you Forget that you've been on the front lines Even times When we were dead wrong You stood strong Had our back on multiple occasions Endless situations With tear stained faces You were there. Seems at times I let the ills of society Lie to me Blind me To the fact you have always been there To the fact that the revolution seemingly No I refrain... in REALITY Has always been kicked off by you From Harriet Tubman To Rosa who refused to stand To Sandra Bland See sister I don't wanna fight you I wanna unite with you Make things right with you Stand side by side with you Protect you Respect you

Farewell

You've been with me for a while now

Know what makes me tick

Makes me sick

My ambitions... my dreams

Seems 

I clung to you... you encompassed 

EVERYTHING 

Like I would check in with you before I made any move

Looked to you for proof

That I was able

You never let me down...

Always let me know how crazy I would sound 

For believing in ME!

Twisted kinships

Friendships 

Left me alone with thoughts of wanting to end shit

When I would speak to others about you... they'd say man up! Or pray it off

Then others think mental anguish are for the weak and soft

So I never spoke on it..

You had everyone thinking I was so angry

Mixed with the fact I'm kinda quiet and no one bothered to attempt to understand me

Or maybe that was you.. feeding me more false imagery

Well whatever the case 

I'd always feel out of place 

Sometimes you got the better of me and left me with tears streaming down my face

Talked to a professional and all he did was prescribe pills

That would mask how I really feel

The very highs and the bottom out lows

That would put me deeper in the throws

Of suicidal ideations... side effects that may be even more detrimental 

To my previous mental state

Honestly I've had more than anyone should have to take!!

Confronted my issues with you...

So done with you... no separation anxiety

Gotta get away from you in its entirety 

Gotta get my mind right

So I can get in my grind right

Mentally

Physically

But I tell you that beast depression is true..

Deadly persona that can and will grab you with the same cold clutches like any addict

But so much worse because other people rarely see the proof that it 

Truly does exist 

Ramblings

If the money ain't long enough...

The loving will never be strong enough

Don't like these facts... tough

Money may not buy happiness...but it definitely does something 

Keep her from wanting that 1 thing

Elsewhere

She'll say she don't care

But you'll soon find she will equate the amount of funds as respect for you...

Oops I digress, lack of respect for you

Everything becomes a problem

And though you try hard to solve them

Always bubbling on the surface

Cuz after all she can do bad by herself..

Bro.. you weren't irreplaceable.... so she pushes you to the left.....

Independently....

She don't need he...

To be...

Happy

Sexy

She's free...

Gets used to her own space

Mentally

Physically

Can even fuck herself... love faces

Can't truly comprehend when a man comes along and wants to hold her in a tender embrace 

Be that shoulder she doesn't even know she may need 

Coping mechanisms... is it her or is it him?

Where does it end... how did it begin?

Is it that these niggas truly ain't shit?

Is there more to it?

Are these brothers weak?

Claiming she just doesn't want to settle....

But yet brothers gotta settle for passive aggressive control freaks 

Who try to control every single aspect of the relationship so to speak?

Then some aren't even worth their keep...

Surface level not too deep

Just rambling

Eureka eureka!!

Running around like truth seekers

Bitter and betrayed we've become nonbelievers 

Bless me from the rhetoric

So pathetic 

This search for love and I never seem to get it

Dismiss it

Attitude eff it

On to better things

Whatever the future brings

People get their feelings hurt everyday B!!

So it's nothing to me

Well actually

It used to be...

But to be in my feelings over another's inability 

To see 

Maybe

He

Could in reality

Be 

Everything she may need

Instead she's governed by wants

And what she has always been

Admittedly at first there is a bit of chagrin

But then 

I let it go....

Thank her for happenstance

That moment and chance

To indulge in our beautiful romance

Tender embraces

Intense love faces

No bitterness... Bad vibes from me

Smile whenever I think of she

No longer entranced but what we....

Could have been... Just sit back and be free

Reason to Rhyme

I wanna use the word vertigo

In a rhyme... And not like Pharrell.. I won't use cervical

Don't wanna be the best lyricist

Off top just saying shit

Wanna be like Pac... Have you feeling it

Get caught up in the rapture

Anita Baker...allow me to capture

Your intellect... Please no fakers

Keep it so simple... No need to dumb it down

No need to dress it up.. Make it seem so profound

Just gonna keep doing me

Effortlessly 

Maybe when I write... I will connect with 1 or 2 of you

Maybe even a few of you

Share my point of view

Maybe "greater" minds will break down what I do

How my every line

Seems to rhyme 

With every line

Or how I punctuate...

That maybe I don't have what it takes

Then it hit me...

I'm doing this for me

See

This is my therapy

This is my way of dealing with negativity

Kind of a loner.. So this is my peace

My release

Don't smoke to get high

I write to get by

I write to stay alive 

If it weren't for these simple rhymes

Truly think I would have lost my mind

So whether you dig it or not.... That's my reason to rhyme

Wrong forever

Wrong forever...

Gotta deal with the fact I did you wrong forever 

To hurt you... My intent never

Thought I was so clever

Get caught in my escapades... Who me? Never 

Tried to play it off....

Not wanting to seem soft

In pain... Tried to mask it

Should have been 1trillion when you asked it 

Instead I laughed it 

Off...My reply was I should have fucked her

Then maybe I'd have a reason to feel guilty

She hacked Facebook

Guess that was supposed to have a brotha shook

Kinda triggered a chain reaction 

Put cause to my action

Instead of pause to my action

Calculated risks

Foolish shit

Anyway... No discounts on your feelings and shit

Figured my love for you... 

Should have been enough for you...

You didn't trust me... Didn't trust you..

Either...

But you've made me a believer

Hindsight is 20/20

You gave me two chances.. That was plenty

No victims here...

Played into my strongest fear...

Co-starring myself and my ego...

So...

Deaf ears my apologies fell on

Tried in vain to show you I saw the error in my ways... So and so on

Guess you were too far gone 

Wrong forever...

I gotta deal with the fact I did you wrong forever

My Wish: John Cena http://es.pn/1MGce7M  -via ESPN http://es.pn/app

Yeah I dig it

Check out @BVBEGANG's Tweet: https://twitter.com/BVBEGANG/status/621770847661985792?s=09

Free Write

Forgive me...

I forgot to be that thoughtless nigga you're used to

Who knew

That it was better to treat a woman like shit..because that's what she is used to...

Guess I'm the sensitive one caught up in my feelings....yeah boo hoo

You ain't got time for feelings...do you?

Every time we talked bout that situation..

Shit would end up in frustration..

Suicide Romance

All the while I was loving you...

You were telling folks you were single and could do 

Exactly what you wanted to

All the time I was so into you..

You would tell others how much I annoyed you...

Always telling you how much I loved you..

And the thought of that just sickened you

Spent so much time trying to prove to you that I was not like that last nigga

I figure 

You knew that

In fact I felt that was what held us back

I wasn't him...you knew me....

You knew how he'd be...

You couldn't see me

Or even what WE COULD BE

Too busy looking in the rear view

Girl you know it's true

Your intentions were fraudulent like Mili vanili

Lol...but you ain't feeling me

My silly ass was content with just a piece of you...

Like a star struck fan....happy with just a glimpse of you..

Stupid is just how I feel...

Can't shake it off...like damn is this really real?

I'd question shit..

Never wanting to discuss it..

Shut me down...

Shut us down...

Spiraling down

Down 

Down 

And as dumb as I sound

I continued to stick around

Now I'm so numb...

Still so dumb 

Heart's broken

And I'm hoping

For yet another chance..

To experience this suicide romance...

Sobeit

A misconstrued notion
Filled by weakest of emotions
Find yourself played
Lost in many ways..
Breaking all your own rules
And the foolish things it made you do..
Cuz once the good morning texts...
Morning calls stop...Damn what's next
Passionless sex
Everything she does/he continues to do..
Bothers you...
Irks your nerves
Speaking using unkind words
Hostile verbs..
What was it to begin with?
Why did it have to end like this?
You laying in your bed.
Thoughts of them flowing thru your head
Wanna talk...but you bury your face in the pillow instead.
Don't believe in it...
Don't want it...
Admittedly.. there was a point and time.. I screamed it..
Dreamed it..
Would tell anyone who listened..
How I was lost in it....
Nose wide open..looking back I'm so disgusted..
This feeling... So useless
Fruitless
Truth is
This thing called love is....
Not for me..
I've failed miserably
Y'all can keep it...
Guess that means I'll forever be alone.....
Sobeit

Blaze

I speak the truth so much it hurts...

What's worse 

Is

Nobody believes in me...

Sure they connect a few lines...

Pat me on the back a few times...

But hell what do I expect?

I'm gonna write it and express it...but y'all can't see it through my eyes yet...

Enter my soul

Truth be told..

Catch me now...cuz when things unfold

I'm a hot blazing comet

Nonstop it

I got this 

Infinite gift...

Record it..

Recite it...

Erase it...rewrite it..

Man I'm so excited

History re-spit it..

In my mind picture how I'd live it..

Just as powerful as God's vision for Konscript 

Look at my seeds and tell them... Yeah we did it...

Gave me so much inspiration...love when my heart wasn't in it..

When my mind drifted

To abysmal depth...

Your expression of love did much more than just help..

You saved me...

That love y'all give continues to amaze me...

Doing it for y'all.. Us...

We...not just

Today...tomorrow...and many days from now....

Gonna show them how

The mended mind of a King will always reign...

And that's just the first part of the game...

My Muse

My muse...
No need to crush on a Wednesday
Because these feelings are a part of my everyday
I'd yell it...scream it...
Shout it out...
But y'all already know what I'm talking about...
Find myself listening to songs differently...
Past the metaphors and similes
Thinking hard about her and I...she...me..
We...
Exchange crazy looks.. burst out in laughter
After
Something so silly...
Kiss her lips..
Explore her every inch...my fingertips..
Trace her every curve...
I'm touching her mind...
Caressing her spine...
Loving each time...
And that time..
And yes also that time....
Better than the first time...
Electric..as I take it slow...rethinking that first line...
My muse...
So true...
I yearn for her words...
Her verbs...
When I venture to see her.. I'm still a big bundle of nerves..
My muse...
Which I hope to never lose...

Depression2

Used to always think that once I got this job...or I set a goal and achieved it I would gain some form of happiness. Or if I got the girl.... Or this happened or that happened... I would be happy.. that I would no longer feel this unending darkeness I've always seemed to be submerged in. I stay away from alcohol because I don't seem to know when to stop drinking. Don't really know who to talk to because either they have no idea what to say to me.... Or they just dont care. Learned today no matter what type of notoriety..fame..money...anything... Does not matter unless you feel it...Or can see it for themselves. I just can't see it